Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
