Where did you get a picture of my penis
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
