i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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