fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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