yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
