I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
sarcasm needs its own font
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
