Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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