Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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