I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
