im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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