if i can run in heels then i can drive
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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