Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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