Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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