the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
