Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
