u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
