We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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