just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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