She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
