Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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