Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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