we have pet lesbian snakes
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
pray to the hookup gods
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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