Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
