I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
