Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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