I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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