Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
