I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
