I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
