There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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