I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
