she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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