A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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