Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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