Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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