I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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