You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize