Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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