Church boner. Awkwardddd
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize