Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
