nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
