Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize