are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
