there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
