its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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