i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
