There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
