The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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