Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just found a bag of teeth...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
