I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
