Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
