Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
