hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
