If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
