I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize