you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize