I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
