What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
