My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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