He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
