Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
