This dress was meant to end up on your floor
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
