At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize