i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
