A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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