i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
