Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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