just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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