insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
