I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
