So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
