Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
