just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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