3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
