is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
