Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
