do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
