If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
