I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
