she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
