batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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