My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
