Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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