Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
These tits shall not be calmed
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How naked do you want me to be?
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