dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
