i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
