I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
