Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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