I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
