woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im six kinds of drunk right now
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
