all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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