Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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