i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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