I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
