there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
