I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
