what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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